~angelsaint11

om namah shivaya

Zoe mu, sas agapo...

Journal Entry: Thu May 8, 2008, 4:30 AM

Zoe mu- (greek) meaning: my life.
Saghapo, sas agapo (greek) meaning: I love you.

Three years ago today I met the love of my life, right here on deviantArt. Who knew such a thing could happen, yet it did. I had no idea that this kind of love could happen to me, and that the experience of it would be so completely overwhelming and life changing. Meeting Valyn Dimitri was the defining moment of my life. Of all the experiences I've had in this life (and I have lived a life most could only dream of) my love affair with this man is by far the most intense and amazing.

Our love inspired us to become husband and wife, married by God, united by the heart. Our rules would never pertain to ordinary standards and we would experience each other in ways that one could only describe as transcendental. Time and space were irrelevant. We simply knew no boundaries to what we could do together. Mind expansion and manifestation became our power, and we began a journey together that we know now will last until the end of time.

We have had very few arguments, but on those rare occassions we were able to rise above any situation and return to an even stronger love.

The truth is that we are unstoppable. We are unaffected by opinion, time, location or onlookers. Not even death can seperate us. Our love is beyond question or judgement.

For those who wonder why I love Valyn, this enigmatic man who never shows his photograph.. for those who ask themselves why I take care of someone as troubled and ill as this beautiful person, all I can say is that I don't know. That is just what love does. People come and go. Valyn stays. I don't know how many people have said to me, "I'll be there for you when Valyn 'goes'." Those people already left. All the promises of how people will 'be there for me'... is it that he just didn't 'go' quickly enough for it to be comfortably explainable? Valyn's illness is this terribly ironic tragedy that makes his case so unbelievable that after a while... nobody believes him. And so, they leave. But still, he lives and still I am here, with him.

I've often wondered why people start tuning me out after a while when I talk about his tragedies. I figured out that people need to hear one of two things. Either they need to hear: he's dead or he's getting better. Anything in between makes them feel too uncomfortable, as if they dread hearing me tell them how it really is.

When I talk of his reality, the fact that he's been sick for nine years now, that's usually where I lose them. People don't want to know about something so ...incomplete? They want convenient succinct answers and that I cannot provide.

And so, we live on the outskirts of expectation.

There are three guarantees in this life. Death, taxes and the unending love of Dori and Valyn.

We have shared and we have received as well. The folks here at dA have been good to us and we feel gratitude.

But, when that dreaded day comes... do not expect me to exploit it in a journal. This is real for me. One thing I have learned is that the only person who ever comes to my rescue is Valyn. The only person who IS there when I need someone is Valyn. He delivers his promise. I do not want to hear another 'friend' of mine tell me how they will be there for me when he's gone. ...because he doesn't seem to go fast enough for some people's level of patience. I'm sorry, I'd rather do without their friendship if all they are there for is to feel good about how they 'helped' me out in my time of need. The only one who will ever be there for me is Valyn.

I have loved the responses to my art and I've appreciated each and every one. These things are part of my future. Things to look back on with love. Someday.

I will be driving up to see him to celebrate soon. Don't sweat the idea that Valyn and I don't always live together. Life is hard and that's how the cookie crumbles. We see each other when we can, but there are no limits to the SIGHT we have for each other. Our hearts are connected and honestly, we are never apart...ever. These bodies are but mere envelopes, the message is inside and that message is Love. The Love doesn't recognize the envelope as a hindrance... it is free all the time, and so are we.

Three years in love. He is everything to me. He is my world. I live my life for him as well as for my daughter. Our children love our relationship. I guess you'd have to live with us to really know just how deep this thing goes... they know. It gives them comfort to know their parents are loved and cared for.

So, please wish us a happy anniversary and many more. Yes, please wish for many more, as inconvenient as it may be for some. We won't beg you for money, we promise. I realize that sounds bitter, but sometimes I feel as if people forgot Valyn when he didn't provide the tragic ending that everyone was expecting. Does anyone have any idea of what it's like to live in agony? Does anyone have a single notion of what it's like to spend everyday knowing that money is non-existent, health is fading hard, that once upon a time you were a genius musician whose hands failed you because of neuropathy and pain leaving you unable to play anymore, unable to express yourself through art... unable to work out and burn off the frustration... unable to make money by holding a job that you can't hold because you can't work without collapsing?

Addicts and hemmorhoid sufferers get government help and my man can't get a single dime because somehow he fell between the bureaucratic cracks... yet he lives, and he tries and he LOVES and he's friendly and loving and SO GOOD TO ME... He's my best friend.

Each and every moment is precious. Friends may come and friends may go...but this kind of love, well.. it's why we're here.

Zoe mu, my Valyn:
Every day with you is precious and every night with you is bliss. You are the most beautiful man I've ever seen and that beauty is not restricted to physicality. You are beautiful to the core of your soul, and as I vowed to you on the day we met, I would stay with you until the end of time. I Love you. Happy Anniversary my Forever Lover!

The statue above is painted by me and hangs over my bed while I sleep. I created it in honor of my babyboy.

+++++++++++

Think before you speak...

28 Comments

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=SpideyGeek

May 8, 2008, 4:39:45 AM

I pray you both have many, many days, weeks, months, and years ahead of you. What an awesome testimony. The concept of love is so lost upon most people these days who see it as nothing more than something to make them feel good and nothing more. It's sacrifice. It's action. It's being there during the rough times and taking care of one another during the sicknesses and tragedies. It's sharing, it's selfless, and you both epitomize that in such a way it should be an inspiration to others.

Thank you for sharing your love with us. I sincerely hope it touches others and challenges them to think past the shallow, selfish concept of love most people cling onto these days.

--
Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.
~ E.L. Doctorow

Whenever you think your life is over, you have to realize that's the signal that a new era is beginning.
- =Snow-Machine

~rewston

May 8, 2008, 4:43:07 AM

i think it is terrible that people desert you. i have always felt that when someone is so ill you should value every single moment you have with them, not wait for them to die. you two are one of the most wonderful and inspiring couples i have ever encountered, your love for each other is so strong its possible to feel it thousands of miles away and i only feel its a shame that i will probably never get to meet the both of you in person. the story of your love gave me hope when i thought all was lost.
i do wish you a very happy anniversary with him and i wish you two all the luck in the world

--
"Leave them a flower, some grass and a hedgerow
A hill and a valley, a view to the sea
These things are not yours to destroy as you want to
A gift given once for eternity"

~angelsaint11

May 8, 2008, 6:05:12 AM

Bless you for that beautiful comment and thank you so much, Spidey.

--
All souls last forever, so we need never fear goodbye
A kiss when I must go, no tears, in time we kiss...hello

~angelsaint11

May 8, 2008, 6:06:07 AM

Thank you beautiful. You've always been kind and understanding.

--
All souls last forever, so we need never fear goodbye
A kiss when I must go, no tears, in time we kiss...hello

*VampPrincessNicolett

May 8, 2008, 7:15:25 AM

Three years?? Congradualations hon and may you have many many more good years. You guys are blessed to have each other and you both deserve nothing less the the absolute best. Happy Anniversary.

--
And it's no one's fault / There's no black and white / Only you and me / On this endless night / And as the hours run away / With another life / Oh, darling can't you see / It's now or never

"Now or Never"
Josh Groban

~angelsaint11

May 8, 2008, 7:23:53 AM

I know! Three years, how is it possible that time flies this fast? Thank you so much babe. Thanks for ALL your comments and love over these years!

--
All souls last forever, so we need never fear goodbye
A kiss when I must go, no tears, in time we kiss...hello

*VampPrincessNicolett

May 8, 2008, 7:25:31 AM

You're very welcome

--
And it's no one's fault / There's no black and white / Only you and me / On this endless night / And as the hours run away / With another life / Oh, darling can't you see / It's now or never

"Now or Never"
Josh Groban

~Chaobaby7

May 8, 2008, 8:55:58 AM

Poor Valyn, I know about falling between beauracractic cracks ( being an Asperger sufferer and mentally ill) is he very poorly like with cancer or something equally horrible? I hope he will be okay. My dad has a terminal illness and its horrible. I wish you both a very happy life together. My brother and his wife met over the internet. Blessings Ali.